Randy was a sophomore. He lived in philadelphia
All his life,and was bored with his life.
He knew things could be worst though. He had parents
And a older sister who all smothered him.
And he thinks they forced him into seclusion.
He thought he was alone in the world
Which technically he was.
Your story sounds interesting. I liked how you made the ending of the first paraghraph suspenseful. You should indent. Also, make sure you put capitals at the right places. What did you mean when you said Randy's family smothered him? Does Randy have any friends? Other than that it sounds really good and i cant wait to read the rest of it.
ReplyDeletehey, i love how you explained randy and how he realy thinks and feels, it can realy make your reader, (me) have a connection with the people in your story. like victoria said, the way you made the very end of your paragraph suspenseful realy helps pull your reader in. i do not have any questions, except for one small question: What happens next?!?!
ReplyDelete-lots of love :)